What It's Really Like After the Kids Leave Home: Reflections of an Empty Nester

Transitioning to an empty nest is a huge milestone in a parent's life. It kind of feels like this goal you've been working towards from the minute you started the clock on parenting. As young parents who didn't have a lot of time to experience adulthood without kids, it was something we were very much looking forward to as the next milestone in our own relationship. One of the biggest questions we get from those people who aren't far behind us, or who may be really far behind us and in the trenches of parenthood is, "what is your life like now, or how has your life changed since you became empty nesters?" Here are a few of the things I've noticed from personal experience in the past few years.

What It's Really Like After the Kids Leave Home: Reflections of an Empty Nester

The Practical Things

Welp, your house stays cleaner for longer! I mean, there are no middle of the night kitchen raids that you wake up to. No shoes strewn throughout the house and backpacks dropped by the door. The paper stacks of information kind of disappear and the calendar even gets cleaner and more streamlined! 

I find that I'm doing even less laundry each week than I was before. I mean, that kind of makes sense when there are two of us here now not five!

When I go to the grocery store, I no longer have to buy the things I was just buying for the kids. Grocery shopping takes me a fraction of the time and we buy far fewer groceries! I hate bananas. But for the past 20+ years I bought bananas because...kids. 

Cooking for five people, especially hungry teenagers, is a task in and of itself. When you whittle down to a party of two, it's kind of hard to stop making huge meals. It was a new balance to find out how to prepare enough for us without having days worth of leftovers! I actually shop more at Costco now than I did when the kids were home though so riddle me that!

The house is quiet. This was a big one that I noticed, especially as someone who works from home. I am also less dictated by time. I used to have alarms set for the afternoon pick ups, or I'd be watching the time to see when a kid would be heading in the door. 

10 of the Hardest Things About Becoming an Empty Nester

Exploring Your Own Identity

For decades my role was mom. I was called {insert child's name} mom more than my "real" name. I found that as my kids slowly started to leave the house, I was challenged with redefining what my identity was.  

When I was raising kids, I didn't have a lot of time to invest in pursuing my own hobbies or interests. I graduated from college with a toddler, so a lot of my career aspirations were put on hold. Any hobby I had was generally often interrupted by picks ups, drop offs or nap times, and it was easier to put those on the backburner than to try to juggle them.

But once the kids were gone, I realized that I needed to start seeking out my own identity. My schedule was no longer dictated by their extra curriculars so I had more time to insert things that I'd put on hold. I would say that this was an overwhelming task trying to sort all this out, and the one that was the biggest challenge to tackle since I really had to do some internal work for it. 

Embracing the Freedom

As a family, travel was important to us. We often had trips on the schedule. But, those trips were often dictated by school holidays. We still prioritize travel, but now as a couple, we can travel whenever {I mean, within reason!} and more importantly, take advantage of travel deals and low season missing out on those peak seasons of travel that were often jacked up in price because of holidays.

There's also a lot more freedom in our schedules. As parents, you are adding in the responsibility for other humans and their schedule, and once that is off your plate, you will find that you have a lot more flexibility in what you do. 

Connection

I found that a lot of our social connections came from our kids schedules. We had things on the calendar, but only because it was a jazz band concert or a track or swim meet. Once the kids left, I think I started feeling less connected to the community. It took a bit more effort and intentionality to seek out relationships. 

Adjusting Relationships with your Adult Children

As your kids start to establish their own independence, you'll also notice a shift in the parent/child relationship. We do our best to let our kids experience their own autonomy while still trying to maintain healthy relationships with them. The dynamics of parenting changes, but the need for you to be their biggest cheerleader still remains!

The empty nest stage is a huge life transition. It's normal to feel a whole mix of emotions. Bittersweet is often the way I describe it. Give yourself grace to feel the feelings and find out how you are going to navigate this next chapter. I promise you, it's worth it!

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