Joann Fabric, I'm breaking up with you. An open letter to the craft store giant.

Joann's Fabric and Craft Store, I'm Breaking Up With You!

Dear Joann's Craft Store, I am breaking up with you.

I just don't have time for you anymore.

Your lines are too long, your service is sub par, your return policy sucks and just stepping into your store is one of the biggest time sucks of my day.

all I wanted was some Styrofoam balls for 40% off. Is that too much to ask???

What is it with the Joann Fabrics Coupons?

You try to lure me in with 40% off regularly priced coupons that never seem to work on any of the supplies I come in for.  You skillfully mark down anything I would ever want {are you some witchcraft mind reader?} to a measly 25% off just so I can't use my coupon.
I attempted to avoid the lines at the store and order online only to find that the item I ordered, that just didn't work for the project I was making, isn't returnable in the store.
According to the delightfully unhelpful customer service lady at the counter of my local Joann's, it's because online and in-store are two totally different stores and therefore have different policies.
What the heck???
So now I'm stuck with clock mechanics to make a clock that won't fit on the vintage film canister or {plan b} the old bike tire.  Both cool projects that didn't work and now the supplies I can't use just taunt my inability to create.

Your selection of low price fabric makes it hard to shop elsewhere, though once you started your DMV like take a number cutting counter, the lines are unbearable.
People take a number and then do their shopping. {guilty, as charged,}  but when you have to be called back to the cutting counter over the loudspeaker,  the people waiting for you to traipse back after your skillfully planned shopping jaunt are none too pleased.
The choice then is to stand and wait.
Lingering around the cutting table like you are waiting for some rock stars autograph listening to the thump thump of the fabric bolts being rolled out and inevitably being stuck behind some quilter getting 24 different 1/8 of a yard cuts of fabric.
I try to be patient, but it's hard to keep from being annoyed at the long lines at the cutting counter making me probably less than pleasant when I finally get my number called to have my fabric cut.
Which is why the employees who are cutting my fabric are anything but enjoyable to work with.
Speaking of the employees, I find them less than helpful. After a store remodel last year, I could not for the life of me find the mod podge. {insert audible gasp here}
It's not often that I don't know what I am looking for, so on the few times that I ask, I expect for the people who get paid to work there to actually be helpful.
After wandering up and down the store aisles, I finally found a person who actually worked at the store. I asked her where I would find the mod podge and you know what she did?
She pointed.
I decided to venture in the direction of her point and once again turned up unsuccessful. So I attempted once again to find another store employee that could possibly help me.
As I write this, I realized I really wanted that mod podge somethin' fierce!
Once again, the employee pointed me in the right direction. I had to ask her to physically show me. True story.
And while I was finally successful in locating my mod podge, I found that it was marked down to 15% off so I couldn't use my 40% off coupon and we all know that shopping at Joann's and not using a 40% off coupon is the closest thing to dancing with the devil that I can think of.

Typically, after getting my fabric cut, I bolt off and do my best to jump into the cash register line only to find that it's been snaked through a maze of cheap merchandise in tall racks.
Two lines are open with 12 people in line in front of me.
If I kept my cool in the cutting line, I no longer have it while in the register line.
Why must a "quick" trip in take no less than an hour?
As my friend Mandi likes to say, any line that long better end in a Disneyland ride.
I've tried shopping you at various times throughout the day in hopes that I will find that sweet spot. The possibility of walking in, getting my fabric cut and walking back out in a timely manner has been like an elusive creature I've been trying to capture for the past six months.
Because your clientele of crafters is mostly upper middle age women with nothing but time on their hands, there is no secret hour that I have found to shop.
Your shoppers come out of the woodwork at all hours.
They are waiting when the doors open, they are clogging the lines on their lunch breaks, and they are shopping after work or to fill their evenings.
I've come to one conclusion,
Joann's, you are the store that I love to hate.
And because I'm tired of being a hater, I'm breaking up with you.
I will hardly know what I will do with all the time I will be saving while shopping at those other craft stores.
Thankfully, I have many at my disposal, but for those who don't, please take a moment and read this letter with an open mind for change.
Adios old friend,