Mail

I don't know about you, but I love getting mail.

Most of the mail we get though is junk, and the other day was no different.

However, on this day in particular, the mail we got had me laughing.

I wonder what the mail man (technically, it's a mail lady, but whatevs) thinks when he (she) delivers the mail and these are the three items in my mail box.

I mean seriously people, do we not have a life???

Not even a bill to be had in the pile.

O.k., so maybe I shouldn't complain about that one!

My husband has a deep down fear of actually going to the department store and purchasing underwear.

Nothing gets him more embarrassed than buying underwear at the store.

Which is why we get this Jockey catalog.

'Cuz Jockey is the brand my hubs probably wore from the moment he was potty trained, it was the brand he wore in High School and throughout college, and it's the brand he will continue to wear until he dies.  

Really, who likes change?

And bonus!!! it's the brand he can order from on-line with no one knowing that he actually wears underwear.

Shhhh...don't tell...my husband wears {gasp} underwear!

Oh, wait, yours does too?  Hmmm...interesting.  Very interesting.

Anyway, on the back of the catalog my husband spied this genius idea and told me I needed a pair or three.

They are called Skimmies Slipshorts.

Let me take a second to tell you about why they are so genius.

First off, I teach Sunday School.

When I wear dresses I don't trust myself to not flash the small children, so I usually wear my shortie workout shorts underneath.  Genius right?  

The mornings usually goes like this:

I usually saunter into the Sunday School building, start talking to my crew and typically flounce my dress up just like this delightful young blonde is doing and make mention of the fact that yes, I am wearing a dress, and yes, I am also fully clothed underneath.  

No one is getting a peek at my granny panties at church!

I had no idea I could actually buy a product that was made for people just like me who can't manage to keep their dress down.  And, not only that, but I can buy several underwear shields (Jockey take note, I think that's what it really should be called.  What's that you say?  It already has another name?  It's called bike shorts?  Oh.) in coordinating colors.

So, yep, put skimmies slipshorts on my birthday list.

We all know how advertising can fool even the smartest of folks.

All three of my kids thought that the good people of Comcast (or is it xfinity?  Heck I don't know, they all change their name as often as Snoop Dogg.  Like fo shizzle my hizzle, Snoop Lion, I'm not diggin' it!) sent our family tickets to the London Olympics.  

Fooled them.

Seriously, we rarely make it out of the state, not quite sure why they thought we were suddenly heading to London.  They were lucky to get French fries for dinner that night, that's about as international as we got!

And this last piece of mail had my smiling for days.

Heck, I still smile when I think of it now.

Yep, I'm totally unhappy with my maid service.

The carpets are never clean, dog hair flutters through the air, dead flies congregate on my window sills, fingerprints are on every surface, pee is dripping from toilet seats, sheets go unchanged for weeks, the floors haven't been mopped since before Christmas, and the bathtubs have rings around them.

Darn right I'm not happy with my maid service.

But I have yet to find a way to fire myself, so I'm sort of stuck.

My daughter is optimistic that I will win a year of free housecleaning. Ah, kids and their wildly unrealistic dreams, how quickly they are won over by the advertising world.
Fingers crossed.